Jimmy Carter Ecstatic Over No Longer Being Worst President In Our Lifetime

FORMER WORST PRESIDENT THOUGHT HE’D NEVER LIVE TO SEE THIS DAY COME

Are you just messin’ with me? I’m not on Punk’d, am I? 

Plains, GA – An ecstatic Jimmy Carter announced today that he was “happier than a pig on an acorn” over no longer being the worst president in our lifetime. Speaking from the porch of his Plains, GA double-wide, America’s 39th president could barely contain his emotions after learning that the monkey on his back had officially packed up and moved to the back of Barack Obama:

“This is a day that quite frankly, I never thought – in my wildest dreams – I’d live to see. I mean, think about it: I screwed up the economy like there was no tomorrow – hyper-inflation, gas lines and so forth – and then I blamed it all on the American people and their ‘malaise’ – I loved that word.

I not only threw the Shah of Iran under the bus, but after Ayatollah Khomeini took over, I let the Iranians make a complete fool out of me for over a year. Hell, I waited more than seven months to try to rescue the hostages – and I screwed that up too. Talk about humiliation – the so-called “students” waited until a few minutes after Ronald Reagan was sworn in to finally release those damn hostages; they couldn’t resist sticking it to me one more time. 

I mean, think about it; I was pretty screwy all the way around. Remember when I admitted to Playboy that I had lusted in my heart? Or, that time I claimed that I beat a killer rabbit half to death with an oar? Then, of course, I had to change my story and say that I’d only splashed water at the rabbit so I wouldn’t upset the animal rights lovers.

Seriously, I never thought anyone could…I mean…until now…I just never thought anyone could top all that. This is truly a joyous day for Rosalynn and me – and the people of Plains.”

Carter added in closing: “Now I can focus on visiting additional hostile countries and criticizing America and President – er, pardon me – Governor Romney without having to worry whether people are still laughing at me behind my back.”

The monkey’s new back was unavailable for comment.

^

I wonder if they checked on the golf course?

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Categories: Seriously

10 replies

  1. Take all in perspective. Dick Morris says Slick Willie will vote for Romney. I think it’s a situation of prostitute himself for the stage at the convention. Dick says because Hillary is held captive because of important position she holds. That’s the BS. It’s all about Bill here…and anything goes to keep the progressives in charge, but untimately “me” the Bill, the Fulbright so called scholar must prevail. Any other ideas? At least Carter helps build houses for folks the last 30 years, while no roads and bridges were, just become delapilated. Think about who is worst. Don’t let the thought stain your kleenex.

    • Carter has been a disgrace as an ex-president. (other than the Habitat deal and so forth.) He violated the unwritten code of not only badmouthing sitting presidents, but doing so on foreign soil.

      • Then that settles it. Hard to remember all the details, and few today have no memory at all. Wish there was a way to inform before the demise. And Slick Willie will keep up the disquise.

        • Correction…few today have ANY memory at all.

          • Thought you were bustin’ out a little Ebonics there, unit. ;-)

          • it’s hard to refrain…my relative, the the first bolosaurid in America, had to teach the first slave here how to brace one’s feet on the bed baseboard to enhance procreation. Obamas beginning so I read. Also helped with early lyrics…to song…’ does you chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?’ Ugh…lost all the doggie taste!

  2. Well, certainly the jury is still out on Barry. Consequently, we won’t know the full extent of his ineptitude and evil efforts to make us a Third World Country for some time yet. But, Carter’s mistakes may haunt us forever! I believe that if Jimmy had the “intestinal fortitude” (b***s) to blast Khomeini when he got off the plane from France, we would not be dealing with the same level of terrorism today. Islamic Fundamentalism would have never got off the ground. The same could be said about Carter hanging Samosa out to dry in Nicaragua. Ortega and the Communists would not have come to power. That would have saved lives in El Salvador as well. It took Ronald Reagan years to rebuild the damage that the pussy-peanut-farmer did to our military. I witnessed that first hand. Obama definitely read Jimmy’s playbook. I hope and pray there is time to reverse our downward spiral. Mitt Romney is no Ronald Reagan! It will be much, much harder this time.

    • Agree with your entire take, Irish.

      There’s an old saying in sales: “Fake it till you make it.”

      If Romney doesn’t “pretend to be Reagan” over the next four months, we’re toast. This is a winnable election, but we must WIN IT – vs. simply relying on the socialist in the White House to lose it.

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